La Mexicana Pantoon Beach

Raise your hand if you love Mexican food! My hand is firmly planted at my side and restaurants like La Mexicana are the reason why. I have a theory that there is a large pair of fuzzy dice in the kitchen of most Mexican restaurants that have ingredients instead of dots on them. The chef simply rolls the dice and throws the ingredients together with a side of shredded lettuce.

There are exceptions to this rule, and in turn, my aversion to Mexican food. My mom's cooking is the first exception. She spent the 2 years we lived in Mexico collecting recipes and cooking techniques at the sides of senoritas all over Mexico. There is nothing like a fresh, hot, home pressed tortilla with a juicy helping of carne asada and salsa fresca. Another exception is La Casa Mexican Grill and Cantina.

La Mexicana in Pontoon Beach (please don't mistake this restaurant for La Casa in Edwardsville) had the fuzzy dice but "cheese dip" took up two spaces on each die. Upon entering on a Sunday for lunch there was one other occupied table and half the restaurant was set aside for what was obviously a night club. To be frank it looked like the party supply store threw up on the entire left side of the building. I think that our waiter partied a little too late in the night club the night before. He was either still drunk or very hung over. He forgot most requests we made, and seemed to know very little about the restaurant, the food, or how to count. The slightly humid atmosphere of the empty restaurant was also slightly dirty everywhere except the bathroom, which was horrendous. They attempted an aquatic theme that was not only a complete failure but actually made it impossible to clean the surfaces of the bathroom. Martha Stewart would have flat passed out.

I am not a clean snob by any means and all of the above would have been forgivable had the food been outstanding, but mostly is was just covered in cheese dip. As a side note this reminds me of a pet peeve I have regarding Mexican food fans. Every time a friend wants to take you to their favorite Mexican place they always say "You have to get the queso, its SOOOOOO good". I wonder if they realize that every Mexican restaurant is opening the same can of white cheeze whiz. The chips were stale, the salsa weak, the meat tough, and the service pretty non-existent. When we asked if they had a hotter salsa our waiter brought out a 60 oz. bottle of hot sauce, that still left us wanting more flavor and heat.

Even if you are someone who raves about the queso dip, and loves a side of beans with your bland sauce laden meat, avoid this place at all cost. Just go home and grab a bag of Tositos and put some cheese dip on them. And if it still doesn't feel right throw up a tinsel cactus and blast some Ricky Martin. You will still have a more authentic atmosphere and flavor than La Mexicana.