Ooops!

In all of my culinary endeavors, both lofty and mundane, I have never ruined dinner so badly that 'pizza had to be ordered'. I have overcooked, undercooked, over salted, under peppered, turned to mush, and nails, but in every case the food was eaten for all of those children in 3rd world countries who are starving. I have broken my streak.

How you ask? How have I managed to ruin such a sterling reputation? Well, I tell you it was nothing short of a gastronomic breakthrough, a scientific breakthrough, a feat against nature and aquatic life. I made Fish Jell-O! Yes, you read correctly. I am not talking an aspic, that jelly like block filled with various meats, fishes or vegetables. I am talking fish that actually became loose Jell-O. Maybe fish jelly would be more accurate. If I am going to be completely accurate I would have to say, pan fried, dover sole...jelly.

Fish can be tricky, I know, so I planned to not be too terribly hard on myself it if fell apart, or became a tad tough or rubbery, or even if I undercooked it and had to throw it back on the fire. I did not anticipate what it became. I had the most beautiful dinner planned. I got the wild caught dover sole, already frozen, at Trader Joe's. It was a fish I hadn't prepared before and I was in the mood for a fishy adventure (insert Nemo jokes here). I would lightly flour the fish and pan fry for a couple of minutes on each side, per the suggestion on the package. Then I would deglaze the pan with lemon juice and throw in some arugula and heirloom cherry tomatoes, a little more butter, to create a kind of beurre blanc sauce/wilted arugula salad to top the fish. I would serve it with a harvest grains blend (fancy rice), and pan fried green beans with crispy garlic. Sounds delicious doesn't it...

Everything was prepped. My mise en place had been in place just waiting for Gene to get home from his haircut. The harvest grains blend was almost finished cooking... and so in the pan went the fish. At first is was going great. When it came time to turn I faced some opposition but I was prepared for falling apart fish and it was sort of still intact. Then it just appeared to never cook all the way through. I left it on longer hoping that it would eventually get its stuff together. It cooked for a really long time on really high heat. When I tested the done-ness, not only was it NOT firm, or flaky it was.... yes, jello-y. It stayed jello-y. I cut off small pieces and pretty much cooked them to death... jello-y. jello-y, jello-y, jello-y.

Gene desperately searched his freezer for a suitable protein substitute, not even pretending that it was remotely edible (although he did actually taste it... shiver). Finally I just admitted that I was not emotionally prepared to attempt cooking anything else. We opted for chicken 12 way. That is Gene and his roomates code for Chinese buffet. It wasn't even a good Chinese buffet, not even in comparison to other Chinese buffets. It was just barely more edible than the Fish Jell-O. The funny thing is that I couldn't bring myself to eat anything fish related on the buffet and Gene ate pretty much only fish.

So, the lesson we have learned today kids is this: Dangit the only thing I can think of is that Chinese buffet isn't really a good alternative to a ruined dinner. I would suggest the traditional pizza. Oh, I guess I might say that if you are going to ruin dinner, at least do it up big, and ruin it for a guy as great as Gene. He will buy your dinner.